Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Pink Monkey's Balls

Hmm, yes, thought that might get your attention. Was at a friend's place on Saturday night for dinner, in a group of about 8. Friends did a fabo Japanese style dinner, with these awesome salmon rice ball thingies, soba, Swordfish (not entirely sure what they did to it, but I was assured that it was decidedly Japanese in style and it certainly was yummo).

Naturallement there was, er, some consumption of beer and wine, and they even cracked open some sake, which seems to work well with Japanese food (funny that), but which I can best describe as something between weak vodka and something you clean your couch with. In a good way.

What does all this have to do with the genitalia of small brightly coloured primates, I hear you ask (yes, I am even watching you right now - don't look so shocked, you know you are an exhibitionist). OK - it was late-ish in the evening, so in a spirit of sensibility (and having been on the piss for 3 of the 4 preceding nights) I decided to take myself home. I made the subtle announcement (and for once I am serious), as I knew my best chance of making a safe getaway was to make as little fuss as possible.

My friend protested, unsurprisingly as I am the life of the party, because he wanted me to try a new cocktail he had just come up with. I should point out that this friend is the mad professor of mixology (self-appointed) I mentioned in my Educational Experiences post a while back. What this in turn means is that YOU SHOULD NEVER RESPOND IN THE POSITIVE WHEN THIS PERSON WANTS YOU TO 'TRY' HIS NEW COCKTAIL. Instead I recommend volunteering for clinical trials for the newest psychic contraception treatment, it would be much safer.

Anyhoo, I inevitably say yes, so he returns shortly with something in a martini glass and refuses to disclose the contents. As I am not completely drunk yet, I of course realise that I should put it down and walk away. I don't - I drink some. It tastes like... well, let's just say I expanded my sensory experience. Seeing the look on my face, he grins ecstatically. "What is that" I manage to utter. "I call it Pink Monkey's Balls" he replies triumphantly. Confident that he doesn't actually have access to any monkeys of any colour (I never determined whether it was the monkeys or the balls that were meant to be pink, but do you really want to know either? Didn't think so), I ask what is in it.

"Is it too sweet?" He asks concerned. I agree, so he gets some fresh lime juice and squeezes it in. He then looks me in the eye and says:

"Gin [tick, I drink this a lot so we're all good so far]
Campari [Not so much, but is a legitimate cocktail ingredient, so we're still on the same page here]
Pink Grapefruit, except I didn't have any so I put in mango juice [hmmm, this at least explains the sweetness issue and the lime juice to bring it back closer to the pink grapefruit, and might even explain why the monkey has a pigmentation issue]
Absynthe [um, what the fuck]?"

He then goes on the assure me that it is real wormwood in the absynthe, but I am still trying to digest all this information, let alone the drink. If I can be of any assistance to you, dear friends, let me say this: if you are going to do absynthe, do it old skool with the sugar cube and all, cos it sucks the big one when in a cocktail.

Needless to say I didn't have an early night that night. When I saw him in the park the next day he assured me that it is much better with pink grapefruit.

Thanks - take your word for it.

10 Comments:

At 1:40 pm, Blogger W said...

Dear lord man.

Are you sure your friend isn't some crazed evil scientist?

*shudders* That sounds absolutely revolting.

 
At 10:25 pm, Blogger Original Mel said...

Mmmm, absynthe. I had this awesome night last year where we smoked a heap of really trippy pot and then drank lots of absynthe. Man, that was a really great night. I think.

 
At 6:03 am, Anonymous SouthernBelle said...

"Pink Grapefruit, except I didn't have any"

I love it.

...Apparently absinthe is illegal here in the good ol' US of A. because of the hallucinogenic effect of the wormwood. or something.

Still, probably better for you than actual primate testicles.

; )

 
At 9:12 am, Blogger WJ said...

Absynthe is illegal in my tummy, at least until the legislature has had an opportunity to conduct a Senate Hearing into whether it can be permitted, but only in a Primate Exclusion Zone...

 
At 3:11 pm, Blogger fingers said...

Welcome back, Todd.
I see you've completed that course on how to write like a chick...

 
At 9:32 am, Blogger WJ said...

Omigod fingers, it was like, sooo exciting. I mean, I finally felt like I had, I dunno, connected with well, not only myself but, like, all the women out there.

 
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