Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Pink Monkey's Balls

Hmm, yes, thought that might get your attention. Was at a friend's place on Saturday night for dinner, in a group of about 8. Friends did a fabo Japanese style dinner, with these awesome salmon rice ball thingies, soba, Swordfish (not entirely sure what they did to it, but I was assured that it was decidedly Japanese in style and it certainly was yummo).

Naturallement there was, er, some consumption of beer and wine, and they even cracked open some sake, which seems to work well with Japanese food (funny that), but which I can best describe as something between weak vodka and something you clean your couch with. In a good way.

What does all this have to do with the genitalia of small brightly coloured primates, I hear you ask (yes, I am even watching you right now - don't look so shocked, you know you are an exhibitionist). OK - it was late-ish in the evening, so in a spirit of sensibility (and having been on the piss for 3 of the 4 preceding nights) I decided to take myself home. I made the subtle announcement (and for once I am serious), as I knew my best chance of making a safe getaway was to make as little fuss as possible.

My friend protested, unsurprisingly as I am the life of the party, because he wanted me to try a new cocktail he had just come up with. I should point out that this friend is the mad professor of mixology (self-appointed) I mentioned in my Educational Experiences post a while back. What this in turn means is that YOU SHOULD NEVER RESPOND IN THE POSITIVE WHEN THIS PERSON WANTS YOU TO 'TRY' HIS NEW COCKTAIL. Instead I recommend volunteering for clinical trials for the newest psychic contraception treatment, it would be much safer.

Anyhoo, I inevitably say yes, so he returns shortly with something in a martini glass and refuses to disclose the contents. As I am not completely drunk yet, I of course realise that I should put it down and walk away. I don't - I drink some. It tastes like... well, let's just say I expanded my sensory experience. Seeing the look on my face, he grins ecstatically. "What is that" I manage to utter. "I call it Pink Monkey's Balls" he replies triumphantly. Confident that he doesn't actually have access to any monkeys of any colour (I never determined whether it was the monkeys or the balls that were meant to be pink, but do you really want to know either? Didn't think so), I ask what is in it.

"Is it too sweet?" He asks concerned. I agree, so he gets some fresh lime juice and squeezes it in. He then looks me in the eye and says:

"Gin [tick, I drink this a lot so we're all good so far]
Campari [Not so much, but is a legitimate cocktail ingredient, so we're still on the same page here]
Pink Grapefruit, except I didn't have any so I put in mango juice [hmmm, this at least explains the sweetness issue and the lime juice to bring it back closer to the pink grapefruit, and might even explain why the monkey has a pigmentation issue]
Absynthe [um, what the fuck]?"

He then goes on the assure me that it is real wormwood in the absynthe, but I am still trying to digest all this information, let alone the drink. If I can be of any assistance to you, dear friends, let me say this: if you are going to do absynthe, do it old skool with the sugar cube and all, cos it sucks the big one when in a cocktail.

Needless to say I didn't have an early night that night. When I saw him in the park the next day he assured me that it is much better with pink grapefruit.

Thanks - take your word for it.


At 1:40 pm, Blogger W said...

Dear lord man.

Are you sure your friend isn't some crazed evil scientist?

*shudders* That sounds absolutely revolting.

At 10:25 pm, Blogger Original Mel said...

Mmmm, absynthe. I had this awesome night last year where we smoked a heap of really trippy pot and then drank lots of absynthe. Man, that was a really great night. I think.

At 6:03 am, Anonymous SouthernBelle said...

"Pink Grapefruit, except I didn't have any"

I love it.

...Apparently absinthe is illegal here in the good ol' US of A. because of the hallucinogenic effect of the wormwood. or something.

Still, probably better for you than actual primate testicles.

; )

At 9:12 am, Blogger WJ said...

Absynthe is illegal in my tummy, at least until the legislature has had an opportunity to conduct a Senate Hearing into whether it can be permitted, but only in a Primate Exclusion Zone...

At 3:11 pm, Blogger fingers said...

Welcome back, Todd.
I see you've completed that course on how to write like a chick...

At 9:32 am, Blogger WJ said...

Omigod fingers, it was like, sooo exciting. I mean, I finally felt like I had, I dunno, connected with well, not only myself but, like, all the women out there.

At 1:20 pm, Blogger oakleyses said...

ugg boots, polo outlet, replica watches, tiffany jewelry, louis vuitton outlet, longchamp outlet, louboutin pas cher, tiffany and co, oakley sunglasses, gucci handbags, tory burch outlet, oakley sunglasses, jordan pas cher, ugg boots, kate spade outlet, polo ralph lauren, longchamp pas cher, burberry pas cher, longchamp outlet, prada handbags, christian louboutin, nike outlet, prada outlet, louis vuitton, jordan shoes, nike roshe, louis vuitton, louis vuitton outlet, christian louboutin uk, replica watches, christian louboutin outlet, nike air max, nike free, christian louboutin shoes, ray ban sunglasses, ray ban sunglasses, air max, oakley sunglasses, polo ralph lauren outlet online, nike free run, sac longchamp pas cher, uggs on sale, michael kors pas cher, chanel handbags, longchamp outlet, louis vuitton outlet, cheap oakley sunglasses, ray ban sunglasses, oakley sunglasses wholesale

At 1:21 pm, Blogger oakleyses said...

true religion outlet, nike air max uk, timberland pas cher, true religion outlet, michael kors, guess pas cher, michael kors, ray ban uk, michael kors outlet online, hollister uk, nike free uk, burberry outlet, michael kors outlet online, kate spade, mulberry uk, coach outlet store online, uggs outlet, nike air max, north face, sac vanessa bruno, new balance, coach outlet, vans pas cher, replica handbags, michael kors outlet, michael kors outlet online, nike blazer pas cher, lululemon canada, converse pas cher, oakley pas cher, michael kors outlet, ray ban pas cher, true religion outlet, burberry handbags, sac hermes, hogan outlet, nike roshe run uk, nike air force, north face uk, coach purses, michael kors outlet online, abercrombie and fitch uk, polo lacoste, nike air max uk, true religion jeans, michael kors outlet, uggs outlet, hollister pas cher, ralph lauren uk

At 1:23 pm, Blogger oakleyses said...

vans outlet, nike roshe run, hollister, iphone cases, north face outlet, insanity workout, beats by dre, nike trainers uk, ralph lauren, soccer jerseys, timberland boots, nike air max, bottega veneta, celine handbags, ferragamo shoes, mac cosmetics, chi flat iron, nike huaraches, lululemon, oakley, hollister, asics running shoes, herve leger, hollister clothing, baseball bats, ghd hair, north face outlet, valentino shoes, lancel, vans, jimmy choo outlet, hermes belt, giuseppe zanotti outlet, abercrombie and fitch, babyliss, mcm handbags, louboutin, ray ban, p90x workout, reebok outlet, nike air max, wedding dresses, mont blanc pens, soccer shoes, converse outlet, nfl jerseys, longchamp uk, gucci, new balance shoes, instyler

At 1:25 pm, Blogger oakleyses said...

wedding dresses, thomas sabo, pandora charms, swarovski crystal, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, karen millen uk, canada goose outlet, links of london, ugg pas cher, doudoune moncler, ugg uk, supra shoes, canada goose jackets, moncler outlet, coach outlet, swarovski, canada goose outlet, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, louis vuitton, canada goose outlet, pandora jewelry, moncler, louis vuitton, hollister, pandora uk, pandora jewelry, louis vuitton, canada goose, toms shoes, canada goose uk, replica watches, moncler, louis vuitton, moncler uk, louis vuitton, montre pas cher, ugg, moncler outlet, moncler, juicy couture outlet, canada goose, canada goose, moncler, marc jacobs, juicy couture outlet


Post a Comment

<< Home